Monday, February 28, 2005


Days of March

Here are some days of celebration to look forward to during March.

March 1 is National Pig Day and Peanut Butter Lover's Day
Years of negotiations ended in an agreement to share this day with pig and peanut butter lovers. In fact, were it not for the day being set aside for both celebrations, people might never have discovered how delicious a peanut butter and bacon sandwich can be.

March 4 is Holy Experiment Day
Today, thousands of people across the world test their faith by doing odd things to sacred objects. Use your imagination.

March 10 is Festival Of Life In The Cracks Day
Studies prove that over 80 percent of all people living on the planet in the last five decades believe life exists in the cracks. Some feel life slips through the cracks. Still, no matter how you slice it, there is a jamboree going on in those thin slivers and today’s the day you can join the fun.

March 12 is Alfred Hitchcock Day
Many people think this day is devoted to the famous movie director. It is actually a day to celebrate the life of Alfred Hitchcock, the man who popularized public autopsies.

March 15 is Buzzard's Day
It’s a good day to get a high-powered rifle and shoot any bird you think might graze on dead bodies.

March 22 is National Goof-off Day
Carry on as usual.

March 28 is Something On A Stick Day
It is amazing how many foods can be eaten on a stick but are not, mostly due to religious dogma. Today, however, everyone is allowed to eat anything off of a stick. We recommend ravioli.

March 30 is I Am In Control Day
Call me early and I will tell you what to do.

Friday, February 25, 2005


Weekend notes

We thank Mr. Paul Williams (the author, not the pulp-song writer) for his appearance on our Feb. 24 show and promise that volume two of that conversation will be coming in March.

Check out the links below and find out when over this weekend the Feb. 24 show will broadcast. And welcome Block Party Radio, which joins our affiliate list this week.

“Power,” a new station on the SRN Network in the York Region of Ontario, will re-broadcast our show starting in a few weeks. My friends in the Canadian underground continue to support alternative broadcasting. Ang Why, indeed!

Have a great weekend.

9 p.m. EST Thursdays

Wednesday, February 23, 2005


Bouncing back with Paul Williams

All right, let's try this again. Now that our machinery is working and the chances of breaking down are reduced, Cotolo Chronicles can get to doin' what it set out to do last week.

The Feb. 24 show features an exclusive talk with Paul Williams, "Godfather of Modern Rock Journalism" and certainly one of the great interpretors of Bob Dylan over the decades. Paul is the author and founder of Crawdaddy magazine and he will be live on the phone with me on our program. Anyone who has specific questions they would like me to ask Paul can email those questions to ... Hub of the network is but you can hear the show live or rebroadcast on many stations (listed tomorrow here) and you can download it to your iPod).

It is not too late to run and buy some of Paul's great books, not all of them, of course, about the world of Dylan, but all of which present the mastery of his modern style of journalism and insight. You can buy any of them at and you have my personal endorsement, a guarantee that these are timeless presentations of a timeless mind from an era when change became king.

Monday, February 21, 2005


Gonzo shmonzo, let's get this week started

I didn’t know Hunter S. Thompson, I didn’t work with Hunter S. Thompson, but I will tell you this: I am no Hunter S. Thompson. Suicide? What is that all about? Or was it a “gonzo” suicide and Hunter is hiding somewhere in a shack filled with loaded rifles, cigarettes and cocktail waitresses? Will we ever know? It is not like Ernest Hemingway, who, moments before he pulled the trigger and blew his own head off, called me and said, “This is meant for you.”

Many people have told me that they would have missed the program that blew up last week when the motherboard on my computer was set aflame. So, remember, all of you, that this week, live at 9 p.m. on Feb. 24, Paul Williams will be the guest, unless some other twist of fate smacks me. What are the odds of that? Tune in and find out.

We welcome Rant Radio to the Chronicles camp this week. Check out the schedule for the Friday night rebroadcast. It is terrific to be on that station’s menu, even though I usually shun the word “rant” and use the word “editorialize.” What do you expect from a guy old enough to be Craig Coleman’s dad?

Friday, February 18, 2005


Apologies and technologies

The heavily promoted Feb. 17 Cotolo Chronicles program never saw the byte of day, so to speak, as a smoking motherboard in the main computer shut down the evening but good. Paul Williams was gracious enough about the situation and will be on the Feb. 24 program, next Thursday.

The computer went down around 716 p.m., and all attempts to get it running again failed worse than Clancy's nuts. When my computer doctor opened the tower, he said, "This thing smells worse than Clancy's nuts." We saw the damage immediately. The burned diode, the charred plugs, the little metal chip holders shmeared along the surface looking more useless than Clancy's nuts. Oh the new technology.

We are in repair now and I am writing from a wind-up computer housed in my boiler room for emergencies. I apologize to all of the show's affiliates and audience and everyone who helped promote the program, even though the terrible breakdown had nothing to do with me or anything I ever did (karma shmarma).

Have a great weekend and remember that we are like cats--no matter what happens we will wind up on our feet, as well as we will leave any room faster than Clancy's nuts.

Thursday, February 17, 2005


The pop-culture gospel according to Paul

The Feb. 17 show features an exclusive talk with Paul Williams, "Godfather of Modern Rock Journalism." The author and founder of Crawdaddy magazine will be live on the phone with me. It is not too late to run and buy some of Paul's great books, all of which present the mastery of his modern style of journalism and insight. You can buy any of them at and you have my personal endorsement, a guarantee that these are timeless presentations of a timeless mind from an era when change became king.

A note about the affliliate list below. Not all of these stations simulcast Chronicles live. Some rebroadcast the show, so please check out the station and its schedule. So if you don't make it to the show live or you want to hear it again (relistening to this show is becoming a popular sport) you will have chances to do so.

9 p.m. EST Thursdays

Tuesday, February 15, 2005


Hang on, Paul!

Paul Williams, renowned author and founder of the revolutionary Crawdaddy magazine, will be a guest live via phone on the Feb. 17 edition of Cotolo Chronicles at 9 p.m. EST.

Paul Williams has made numerous impressions upon the pop culture scene and has been praised for his insightful material on rock giants like Brian Wilson, Neil Young and Bob Dylan. His most recently book is Bob Dylan--Mind Out of Time (Performing Artist Vol. 3), from Omnibus Press.

Mr. Williams, who has also written science fiction and philosophy pieces and a series he calls Hippie Memoirs and Collections, was the brainchild of Crawdaddy, which debuted in 1966 and quickly became a powerful voice of the ‘60s’ generation. The magazine and the journalistic style Williams popularized and helped create, inspired the birth of Rolling Stone Magazine in 1967.

Cotolo Chronicles has followed the life and death of Crawdaddy’s most recent incarnation, as a newsletter supported by subscription and Mr. Williams.

“As one writer to another from the same era,” I said in my official press statement, “I guarantee a spirited conversation that will be especially important for indie artists of all types. Paul has been an important creative force through the decades and continues to leap over all obstacles that attempt to slow down his projects. We are happy and honored to have him on the show as we attempt to pioneer the new medium.”

Monday, February 14, 2005


The saint and the celebration

I had a great weekend, thank you. It was topped off by some great television yesterday as I watched The Discovery Health Channel’s Face Eating Tumor while consuming a hearty pork roast with vegetables. Hard to miss an episode of Miami Animal Police, which was on the same time, but I am the kind of person who makes tough decisions in life.

And speaking of tough decisions today is Valentine’s Day. It is originally a Western European Christian holiday, which is the Roman feast of Lupercalia. It was Christianized in memory of the martyrdom of St. Valentine in 270. “Lippy,” as they called him, came to be associated with the union of lovers under conditions of extreme personal duress. Of course most people still agree that the union of lovers is a breeding ground for conditions of extreme personal duress.

Lippy, clad in animal skin with another young man, ran around the city slapping each passersby with strips of goat skin. Back then, male goats were believed to be the embodiment of sexuality. This activity was in honor of the “god” Faunus, protector of herds, crops and goat suits. Lippy became a Christian around 260 after embarrassing sexual rumors swept the countryside about him and his goat-suited friend. In shame, Lippy turned to Jesus. His friend was found dead in 268 while receiving fellatio from a wild boar (in those days, this was the second highest cause of death; receiving fellatio from a tame boar was the first).

When Claudius became emperor, he felt that married men would not make good soldiers, so he banned marriage. Lippy Valentine helped young lovers meet in secret places and performed the sacrament of matrimony. When Claudius learned of this he had Lippy arrested. The emperor attempted to convert Lippy but Lippy refused to recognize Roman gods over Jesus. So, on Feb. 24, 270, Valentine was executed. The church made him a saint shortly after his death and banned the sacrament of marriage for forty years and forty nights, whichever came first.

As the thousands of years passed, St. Valentine’s Day, celebrated on Feb. 14 because Feb. 24 was already a holiday—Rodent Skinning Day—was made commercial by the tradition of exchanging romantic or comic verse messages called, of all things, "Valentines." The first commercial Valentines card was created in the 1840s by Esther A. Howland, who swore she was not a lesbian and was known for stirring hot soup with her fingers.

So, today, either get married or get executed in honor of St. Valentine and remember that many people feel getting married is a form of execution, and you have St. Valentine to blame for that, too.

Coming Feb. 17 on Chronicles -- an exclusive talk with Paul Williams, author of many books on pop music and founder of Crawdaddy, the renegade sub-culture magazine of the '60s and the magazine that inspired Rolling Stone.

Friday, February 11, 2005


Back soon

Have a great weekend. Remember to tend to your curiosities.

Thursday, February 10, 2005


The doctor's in the house, chicky chow chow

9 p.m. EST Thursdays

On the Feb. 10 edition of Cotolo Chronicles our guest is Dr. Gary Popoli. A doctor in developmental psychology, Gary will be talking live from his lair in Maryland. Do you have children? Do you want to have children? Were you ever a child? Are you still a child? It’s time you found out.

Also, what about self-actualizing? Is this what we are all doing on the internet? Has the digital life made us less actual and more virtual? What about our vital organs? Are we in danger of becoming numb and number? The doctor is in the house, friends, and will be shooting straight from his diploma’d hip.

Plus, Feb. 10 is Chinese New Year’s Day After. It is the Year of the Rooster, 4702. For more about Chinese dragons, go to the Dragon page . Read the Chinese Zodiac . Kinga Shinnen (new year’s greetings) to you all.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005



This week, Chronicles welcomes Extreme Radio and Radio X to its affiliates list.

Extreme Radio is a blast-a-minute metal- and hard-rock station based in Bolton, Lancashire, about 15 miles from Manchester in northwest of Great Britain. This is not that far from my former residence in Harrogate, North Yorkshire. The station’s format fits the dynamics of our program like a pair of black leather pants. It is all in “the attack,” and we hope to continue the slam and with the planet’s loudest Internet radio. Our thanks to Nigel for his great work there.

Radio X is headquartered on these shores, in Lebanon, Ohio. It is Lebanon’s only alternative radio station and if ever Lebanon needed one, now is the time. Charles has the place cooking 24/7 and is seeing that it grows locally and internationally. I am happy to be coming from America’s great Midwest through Radio X.

Live or rebroadcast, listeners have more choices than ever to catch Cotolo Chronicles and join us on our trek down The Hallelujah Trail. If you are new to this program, check out a recent attempt to explain what happens during the program’s two hours:

Cotolo Chronicles
Radio veteran Frank Cotolo returns to the airwaves after almost two decades to put the internet community in its place. This isn't just any old talk show, it's a roller coaster for the ears and senses. Frank takes matters of the new technology apart, digit by digit, turns the indie business and pleasure communities upside down and addresses contemporary topics with a fiery flick of a tongue and a torrid turn of a phrase. Humor, controversy, honesty and audacity are weapons he uses with dead accuracy.

Monday, February 07, 2005


'Cool' night ahead; book news

Is it just me or has anyone else out there been noticing that the days are flying by faster than one can flip a nickel? Well, no matter, because Feb. 7 is Cool Noise Radio, a unique ‘net radio program that defines “alternative broadcasting.” Check it out at It starts at 8 p.m. EST. Tell ‘em Ferdinand sent ya.

There is some more news on the publication of my autobiography. Pen Puck House has made an offer to publish the book if I promise to use real names with every damaging tale I tell and those are the only tales they request I tell. “No one wants to read your praise of this actor and that musician,” said Penoir Puck, president of Pen Puck House. “All anyone wants to read about is this one was a shmuck, that one was a whore and this one was caught getting his hooks into that one in between takes. Got it?”

So, I have hired an assistant to go through my memory and find out if I have enough hideous tales to tell. Then, I will decide if I will go with the Pen Puck House offer, which includes a 56-city tour of radio and TV talk shows and a free continental breakfast in every motel where I stay during the tour.

Friday, February 04, 2005


Wow, two days of rest and fun

Well, the weekend is here again and people have been asking me about the Super Bowl. I tell them it is the last game of the professional football season. They say they know that but they don’t know which team will win. I say of course they don’t. If they did, why would they play it? By the way, it ain’t so super.

Weekend reminders include: Do not use your blow dryer while sleeping; never iron clothes while they are still on the body; do not use your vacuum cleaner to pick up anything that is burning; never attempt to swallow a pillow you sleep with; Korean kitchen knives are no good on bathroom pipes; and, of course, never use pepper spray on your own eyes.

All that in tact, I have to go call Mel Gibson now and find out about that weekend I will be spending on his new island. He has some great activities lined up, including carrying a large wooden cross for two miles and trying to hack a pair of handcuffs off of one’s ankle while locked onto a car with a leaking gas pipe.

Thursday, February 03, 2005


Dead on the mark, live on the air

9 p.m. EST Thursdays

As you plan your evening on Feb. 3, keep in mind that things you have been thinking about could be discussed on Cotolo Chronicles. This could make you want to listen. So might the following testimonials.

A recent post by Joel Pirard, indie musician, songwriter and performer, makes note of an interesting point of view. He wrote, “Frank Cotolo is an individual who has seen many things in his life, never hesitates to express his point of view, pisses people off—myself included—and yet I still like him . . . even if you don’t like him, borrow a page from his style. Say what you will, when you want, voice your ideas, shout each other down if you must, but do it in a constructive way.”

Another popular veteran of the ‘net music wars, Chris Chamblee, wrote, “We need Frank . . . always have. I find him humorous, sometimes more dead on the mark than I would ever admit . . . extremely likeable. The one thing that stands out most is if he didn't care, he wouldn't say anything. I wouldn't go as far as say'n under that gruff exterior is a big 'ol teddy bear" or nuthin' but he believes in the cause.”

A special thanks to the iPod group for over 2,000 downloads in January.

On Feb. 3, take another trip down The Hallelujah Trail with me and meet the real world, hear the active mind, understand the funny side of Earthling mentality, learn how to flip pancakes, be prepared to kill icons and take a good look in the mirror. When does Jesus bring the pork chops? Every Thursday night at 9 p.m. EST, that’s when.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005


Celebrations a-plenty

Here are some days of celebration to look forward to this month.

February 4 is Create A Vacuum Day
Each year, hundreds of people are injured attempting to celebrate this holiday. Best thing to do is to not take it literally and just go through your normal thinking processes. That should satisfy the creation of a vacuum.
February 6 is Lame Duck Day
Best thing to do is have a big, unhealthy breakfast, get a rifle and shoot a duck in its legs. Spend the rest of the day watching it waddle around, quaking to be put out of its misery.
February 8 is Kite Flying Day
You will need a wind for this holiday, which must have been founded by someone Down Under. Who plays with a kite in the winter?
February 13 is Get A Different Name Day
I love this holiday and you should too. You go around in public telling people made-up names. I just think of them off the top of my head. “Hello, I am Puberty D. Hornsmack” and “How ya doin’? My name is Fendol Abraham Smackbutton.”
February 16 is Do A Grouch A Favor Day
Find a miserable soul, a curmudgeon (we all know a few) and ask if there is anything you can do for him or her. Expect criticism and a negative attitude, but remember that Kick A Grouch In The Face Day is coming soon.
February 20 is Hoodie Hoo Day
Don’t confuse this with Hoopa Day and Hippity Hop To The Barber Shop Day. Make sure your hoodie hoo is sparkling and available to be fondled.
February 23 is International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day
Most people don’t realize how delicious these canine cookies can be, especially when dunked in Starbucks’ Italian blend. Great thing about them is you don’t have to prove you own a dog to buy and enjoy them.
February 28 is Public Sleeping Day
The trick today is identifying people who are awake, since most of the time people are walking around like herding zombies, unaware of anything, responsive to nothing and happy to wave to a fellow conservative and say, “Isn’t Jesus beautiful?”

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