Cotolo Chronicles

I discovered that an "everything" bagel is missing something.

If you eat poppy seeds before taking a drug test you will test positive for heroine. So you may as well mainline the poppy seeds.

Life is a walk in the park--Jurassic Park.

If something is worth doing, it is worth doing quickly.

I wrote a song for my Buddhist girlfriend called Don't Sit Under The Bodhi Tree With Anyone Else But Me.

Do you think it is true that Glen Miller suffered from in-the-mood swings?

Why don't people like me, like me?

I went to renew my driver's license and all of the same people who were there the last time I renewed showed up.

I just realized that I am old enough to be my father.

Ordinary contraptions work best in the dark.

I feel sorry for the guy who invented WD-39.

Is it just me or are too many women in porn starting to look like Tipper Gore?

I gave up soap operas because I can no longer tell the difference between the young and the restless or the bold and the beautiful.