Cotolo Chronicles

DUBAI -- With all the hubbub in the USA about the United Arab Emirates (UAE) deal to buy a British company that will manage ports in America, it has gone unreported that the UAE has offered a considerable price to buy Cotolo Chronicles, the internet/podcast broadcast that has set the stage for talk radio in the new medium.

The deal reportedly allows for live broadcasts of Cotolo Chronicles from the seven emirates--Abu Dhabi, Dubai, Sharjah, Ajman, Umm al-Qaiwain, Ras al-Khaimah and Fujairah, as well as rebroadcasting the current show and achived shows on a special 24-hour-a-day station operated by women with veils.

"Giving control of Cotolo Chronicles to the UAE," said a source from the State Department who spoke under the condition of anonymity and a free coffee mug, "did not present matters of national security concern. The program is icecap to icecap anyway and it has never been brought up by Homeland Security on a list of possible terrorist target sites."

But senatorial-candidate Hoot Morebargain, a Republican from Wisconsin, said, "It seems harmless now, but what happens when we hear next that the UAE is outsourcing the J-Walk Blog? That'll get people making some noise, all right."

H.H Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Vice President, Prime Minister and ruler of Dubai, as well as one of the biggest Cotolo Chronicles fan in the seven emirates (pictured above), was smiling when his spokesperson said, "We buy racehorses from the USA and they don't blow up because we are Arabs. So why would anyone be afraid of us having a large interest in the world's most unique talk show?

"The UAE is one of the booming markets in the Middle East, attractive because tax-free options and legal formalities are not embroiled in extensive red tape found in other countries. Its business is required to be in constant touch with the market as word of mouth is the fastest way of opportunities passing around. Word of mouth is how we discovered Frank's show. You know he professes we all should drink coffee like the Turks? 'Black as hell, strong as death, sweet as love.' You know that, right? We had no influence over that."

Cotolo was not available for comment, but a spokesman for the show said, "Look, we count with Arabic numbers and the English language has strong Arabic roots. It is a Semitic language with about 221 million speakers in Afghanistan, Algeria, Bahrain, Chad, Cyprus, Djibouti, Egypt, Eritrea, Iran, Iraq, Israel, Jordan, Kenya, Kuwait, Lebannon, Libya, Mali, Mauritania, Morocco, Niger, Oman, Palestinian West Bank and Gaza, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Somalia, Sudan, Syria, Tajikistan, Tanzania, Tunisia, Turkey, UAE, Uzbekistan and Yemen. There are over 30 different varieties of colloquial Arabic. So what's the big deal?"