Cotolo Chronicles

The Chinese New Year falls between Jan. 21 and Feb. 19. To be exact, it's Jan. 29. This is the first week of the Chinese New Year, which is 4532 or something. Even some Chinese have lost count.

This year is the Year of the Dog. Due to that theme, a ban on eating dogs will take place in China until another animal takes the dog's place next year, which is 4567 or something.

In China, the new year is celebrated with weeks of preparation. Families gather to honor their ancestors with colorful parades, each generally featuring a huge silk dragon, firecrackers and banging gongs. There are also gonging bangs.

China is the oldest continuous civilization on earth and today, China is the fastest growing economic force on the planet and maybe on other planets too (it's hard to compare when we do not have the statistics for economic forces on other planets).

People born in the Year of the Dog are said to possess the best traits of human nature, including the ability to lap large amounts of water from a bowl. They have a deep sense of loyalty but they are selfish, stubborn and eccentric. And the males pee on trees a lot. They care little for wealth and can be cold and distant at parties and camping trips. They can find fault with many things, specifically the command to "sit." However, they make good leaders, especially on sleds.

Happy Chinese New Year, everyone.

The Chinese New Year falls between Jan. 21 and Feb. 19. To be exact, it's Jan. 29. This is the first week of the Chinese New Year, which is 4532 or something. Even some Chinese have lost count.

This year is the Year of the Dog. Due to that theme, a ban on eating dogs will take place in China until another animal takes the dog's place next year, which is 4567 or something.

In China, the new year is celebrated with weeks of preparation. Families gather to honor their ancestors with colorful parades, each generally featuring a huge silk dragon, firecrackers and banging gongs. There are also gonging bangs.

China is the oldest continuous civilization on earth and today, China is the fastest growing economic force on the planet and maybe on other planets too (it's hard to compare when we do not have the statistics for economic forces on other planets).

People born in the Year of the Dog are said to possess the best traits of human nature, including the ability to lap large amounts of water from a bowl. They have a deep sense of loyalty but they are selfish, stubborn and eccentric. And the males pee on trees a lot. They care little for wealth and can be cold and distant at parties and camping trips. They can find fault with many things, specifically the command to "sit." However, they make good leaders, especially on sleds.

Happy Chinese New Year, everyone.

Some notes on subjects on the Jan. 26 program (now available for download on left, just below RSS feed).

The term "deaf and dumb" has a long and storied history. It was part of the conversation's atmosphere on the Jan. 26 live show. Deaf and dumb (or even just dumb) is an archaic term. No doubt, deaf people have been incorrectly assumed to be mentally deficient just because they do not speak. By the way, on the program I called my deaf friend Anthony. However, a good night's sleep and I remembered his real name. It was Kenny.

My mention Ernest Norman's book, The Truth About Mars, has already sparked some inquiries. We are going to attempt to get someone from the Unarius Education Foundation to speak with us on a 2006 show. So be ready for a program that would make my old boss, Long John Nebel, proud of me. I will be playing some old Long John Nebel on-air tracks on a future show, also. Those of you into the strange and the supernatural should be aware of Mr. Nebel, a radio legend (pictured above in his incarnation as an auctioneer).

Also, remember to check into Digial Slob's podcast. Curt Brandao is only one more letter from having the same name as Marlon. That is special.

Finally, happy birthday to everyone who once had eggs shoved down their throats and now must live with Lipitor (link is not meant as an advertisement, just as reference).

Wake up, it's night!

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. -- NASA's first paid ride to the International Space Station will be delayed eight days due to problems loading some of the 2005 library of Cotolo Chronicles on to iPods in time for the the Russian Soyuz spacecraft launch, Russian and U.S. officials said.

Launch of the 13th live-aboard space station crew was rescheduled from March 22 to March 30, said a NASA spokesman. NASA is paying Russia to transport astronauts to the space station after the grounding of the shuttle fleet. The astronauts will all be issued iPods with Cotolo Chronicles programs dating back to October, 2005.

The delay was not expected to impact operations aboard the orbital outpost, where an American and a Russian have been since October 2005.

A spokesman with the Russian space agency Roscosmos, said several computers in the Soyuz control system had malfunctioned and could not download the mp3 files of the program, according the Russian news service Tass. The attempts became so desperate due to the original launch date, that dial-up connections were used.

"We tried everything to get the files in time," said the Roscosmos spokesman, "but our computers kept giving us blue screens."

The launch delay will postpone the current crew's homecoming until April 9. The men will be replaced by another cosmonaut and NASA astronaut. Arrangements to listen to Cotolo Chronicles live every Thursday evening are being made so that downloads and iPods will not be needed in the future.

"The live show," said a NASA spokesman, "will be recorded from the space station now that the correct wires have been attached to the station's brain center from a laptop the astronauts will share."

Once again, it's Monday and time for the Non Sequitur News Report, featuring stories from around the globe and onion skins.

HYDERABAD, India -- The rise in global oil prices could boost India's inflation, but the government and the central bank will take fiscal steps to control inflation. No one in New Orleans is safe from an angry jazz musician with an automatic weapon, said a policeman there. . . read more.

WASHINGTON -- U.S. surveillance laws should be reviewed and possibly rewritten to allow the type of eavesdropping that U.S. President George W. Bush has been criticized for authorizing, lawmakers from both parties said. Not a ship sailed from the harbors of European cities shourtly after word of an attack spread around the area. . . read more.

WINNIPEG, Manitoba -- Canadian political leaders made one last cross-country dash on the eve of an election expected to oust the ruling Liberals, move Canada to the right and improve ties with the United States. Sri Lanka's rebels warn of a return to war unless progress is made soon in the deadlocked peace process. Pakistan's prime minister defended his country's efforts to control tribal areas. . . read more.

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti -- A jailed Haitian priest and former adviser to ousted President Jean-Bertrand Aristide says he was cleared of murder but his dog was not spayed. Popular Roman Catholic priest Gerard Jean-Juste has been jailed for more than six months by Haiti's interim government, where the gross national product can be stuffed into a ripe mango. . . read more.

Pictured is Gypsy Rose Lee (1914 –1970)

Many thanks to Paul Williams for his continued support of our show and more inspiring moments of conversation. As we learned, Paul's wife, Cindylee Berryhill, is getting a lot of attention as a singer-songwriter. Her newest song, When Did Jesus (Become A Republican) is now available as a free download if you click here and go to her web site. And, of course, go read some and buy some of Paul's great books (these are collector's items, we guarantee) and tell him to autograph what you purchase.

Speaking of Jesus, there is this from Rebecca Harrison at Reuters: Billed as the world's first black Jesus movie, Son of Man portrays Christ as a modern African revolutionary and aims to shatter the Western image of a placid savior with fair hair and blue eyes ... read more

And more about the spaceship to Pluto: --The fastest spacecraft ever launched (photo on left) began the first full day of its 3-billion mile journey to Pluto, where it will study the last unexplored planet and the mysterious icy area that surrounds it ... read more

Reporters recently asked what I thought about the federal government's request to have search-engine Google turn over its records about who searched for pornographic material. I said it made me glad I always used YAHOO!.

Our Jan. 19 program features another talk with the meditative mind of author Paul Williams (pictured). He is the godfather of modern rock journalism, for one, but we like to think of him as a guru of that unique generation now needing investment advice. Mr. Williams' continues to write and impress an audience far too small for his insight.

Check out his web page and sample some chapters from his munificent writings on pop culture, spiritualism, philosophy and more. Paul will be on the Jan. 19 program, which begins at 9 p.m. EST.

On another program issue, we apologize for the weird behavior of our XML feed file that halted our podcast distribution. The error has been identified and everything is running to spec. For the podcast of this program and to download the most recent show, see Links column on the left.

Speaking of famous birthdays, with less than a month until Feb. 7, the anniversary of Ronald Reagan's birth, here are some quotes we Reagan fans want to believe are true.

Here's my strategy on the Cold War: We win, they freeze to death, collapse and rot in their places.

The most terrifying words in the English Language are: And the winner is. But your name doesn't end the sentence.

Of the four wars in my lifetime, none came about because we started them. Directly. And personally, I had no part in starting any.

I have wondered at times about what The Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had been played by Alan Ladd.

Government is like a baby: An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and Democrats coming out the other.

If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation under no God.

I've laid down the law, though, to everyone from now on about anything that happens: No matter what time it is, wake me, even if it's in the middle of my sleep.

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it and if it stops moving, shoot it.

I should have played most of Errol Flynn's roles.

Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference. The Marines don't have that problem. We keep them too busy fighting to think.

Everyone loves a quiz, no less a trivial quiz. And these days, nothing strikes a person's fancy like a good show business trivia quiz. So, here's one to chew upon for a day or two. Not that it is tough and needs a lot of gnawing. Indeed, anyone familiar with movies, television, stage and radio should have no problem answering the following multiple-choice questions. When you answer, drop the information into an email and send it to CotoloChronicles@mailbomb.com.

1. Which of the following people never portrayed the character of Dr. Watson in a public performance of a Sherlock Holmes drama?
a) Robert Duvall
b) Nigel Bruce
c) Frank Cotolo
d) Phillip Gageborough

2. Pick the actor who played the Range Rider.
a) Guy Madison
b) Jock Mahoney
c) Clayton Moore
d) Richard Carlson

3. Which member of the cast of the original King Kong whistles the song St. Louis Blues when he or she is on Skull Island?
a) Ann Darrow
b) Jack Driscoll
c) Carl Denham
d) Capt. Englehorn

4. Which of the following titles with the word "stagecoach" it it was not a movie?
a) Stagecoach Kid
b) Stagecoach Romance
c) The Phantom Stagecoach
d) Stagecoach to Fury

I have always been intrigued about the history of human needs. Mostly, this interests me because, just like you, I really need food, clothing and shelter.

Enter Abe Maslow (pictured in a rare picture on right) and Dr. Gary Popoli (not pictured anywhere on the web as far as we know). The latter, of course, is a member of the Cotolo Chronicles ensemble of guests and will appear on the Jan. 12 program. Dr. Popoli, who we warmly call The Pope, does not charge to analyze us when he appears on the show, so you should drop by and be prepared to learn something about yourself at no cost. Of course what you find out may be costly, but hope for the best.

Because we all, according to Abe Maslow, desire fulfillment, to become everything we are capable of becoming. This, of course, means that if you want to strap a jet-propelled tank to your back and be known as The Rocketeer, you are not entirely out of luck.

Hope is on the way and The Pope will tell us more about the hierarchy of human needs. So don't miss this show.

Network live broadcast at 9 p.m. EST Thursday, Jan. 12.

Last night I broke the DaVinci code, so I am no longer excited about seeing the movie version.

Sometimes I feel like Mark Twain. When he was told, "You will never amount to anything," he replied, "Well, I can always be a bad example to others."

Every great machine should come with a button that enables the operator to blow it up.

Old men are confused these days, mistaking DVDs for BVDs.

And all this time I thought the mountain range that spread beyond the Andes was the Amoses.

I have a new law firm. Some old guys from Detroit. Firm's called Holland, Dozier, Holland.

A wise old man once told me, "If you wanna feel like a success just surround yourself with people who are bigger failures than you are."

I was asked, "Do you support physician-assisted suicide?" I answered, "Yes, but I wouldn't want him to marry my daughter."

I spent some time this past weekend thinking about how much crap is written and professed to all of us everywhere. I realize that is a heap of thinking in itself and that a lot of what I think about thinking about how much crap is written and professed to all of us everywhere is, in itself, crap. Still, it seems to me that all of us should do such an evaluation, if only to set our own minds straight about how we individually view crap that is written and professed to all of us everywhere.

We are all allowed, these days, to profess crap and do so at a rapid clip. We can, thanks to digital technology, expose our views to more people than we will ever meet on a first-name basis and to hoards of folks that we never even know are part of our audience. This blog, for instance, professes my crap. You may have a blog that professes your crap and your friend has a blog that professes his or her crap, and so on and so forth.

Sturgeon's Law reveals that "Ninety percent of everything is crap." It comes from a quote by science fiction author Theodore Sturgeon, who once said, "Sure, 90 percent of science fiction is crud. That's because 90 percent of everything is crud."

These are defining times. These are times when crap is hurled at the wall and nothing sticks. These are times when a wall is not even needed to hurl crap. So what are we learning? Is it more that we need to know or more crap that cludders the measley 3 percent of our brain that we use. Is it really just 3 percent or is that a load of crap? Is crap in loads worse than crap in drips? Is crap solid or liquid? Think about it. More on this topic soon.

Hardware! Sooooooftware. And wine.
Convergence.

Sounds like I am going to go intellectual on you, eh? Chubby chance of that. Besides, all of this talk about convergence is not academic. The central idea behind convergence is supposed to appeal to the mainstream. Convergence is for the least common denominator.

So don't laugh when you begin to want a contraption that does everything you can imagine on a digital level. Just remember that you will be craving convergence and that is going to be normal.

Anything created for the good of mankind eventually finds itself being put to a commercial test. Life-and-death matters always turn into advertisements. Then the whole picture becomes cloudy.

Converrrrrrgence.

If you don't have a page on MySpace dot com, go and get one and begin the square dance. This web site is the biggest thing to come along since Mario Lanza's autobiography revealed his love for oral sex. My Space dot com is community convergence and 50-million strong. As the French say, "Eat feces. Can 50 million flies be wrong?"

Converrrrgence.
Red wine.

Lombardiwine dot com writes, "Crafted from California's hottest red wine varietals, Rosso is blended to capture the finest qualities of each varietal. From ripe berry, currant and spicy aromas and flavors to dark fruit and mocha layers on the finish this wine is enjoyable on its own or as a perfect accompaniment to hearty pastas or seasonal barbecues. The backbone of Rosso is old-vine Zinfandel, America's heritage grape. Syrah and Cabernet Sauvignon are sourced from the Monterey and Paso Robles areas for their specific regional qualities. Syrah provides deep color and suppleness, with flavors of black fruit and sweet mocha; Cabernet Sauvignon imparts abundant aromas and dark currant flavors. Rosso has aromas of currants, engaging dark fruit and spicy clove. The chosen blend provides for a core of dense blackberries, plum and rich mocha flavors, with a finish of sweet vanilla from French oak aging. Rosso is a culmination of blending all the right elements to produce a serious wine at an everyday price."

A wine that is a blend of wines?

Converrrrrrgence.

Starting with our Jan. 5 show, first of the new year, you can hear us and join the chat group at Attitude Radio. It's a spinoff of Krush Radio, which carried our program for many years before going all music and learning to play air guitar.

"Attitude" will be picking up the live network broadcast as it joins the C-Chronicles network Thursdays at 9 p.m. EST.

There are a lot of ways to listen from Attitude. Here are the listen-live links.

WinAmp --> http://www.krushradio.com/tunein/tuderadio/listen.pls
Windows Media Player --> http://www.krushradio.com/tunein/tuderadio/listen.asx
Real Player --> http://www.krushradio.com/tunein/tuderadio/listen.smi
Any mp3 --> http://www.krushradio.com/tunein/tuderadio/listen.m3u

On another note, anyone wanting to see Lara Croft's breasts should click here.

As we are apt to present at the beginning of each month, the list of esoteric holidays will now be listed. The new year has launched some changes, which are all included in the list below. Be aware that the anti-January sentiment that resulted in the famous January Jinx and the rise in suicides across the world related to the first month of the year, are reflected in the list.

Also, the American Anti-Resolution League (AARL) has had a greater affect on this year's list since its formation in 1886, the same year January broke the record for bathtub drowning deaths. Pictured are horses that love to run in January.

Jan. 2 is Start Smoking Again Day
The AARL insists that trying to stop smoking as a new year's resolution is the prime motive for people to begin smoking more. So, the organization condones the continuation of the addiction for anyone swearing off since Jan. 1 and suggests quitting another month.

Jan. 3 is Festival of Sleep Day
To ward off the depression that every new year brings, and to look at the positive side of human African trypanosomiasis (African sleeping sickness), today celebrates the power of sleep. Victims of somnipathy (a sleep disorder) usually gather to take naps at designated areas.

Jan. 4 is Trivia Day and Humiliation Day
Not worth a comment, you crud bucket.

Jan. 5, 12, 19 and 25 are Cotolo Chronicles Live Broadcast Days

Jan. 10 is Peculiar People Day
To qualify as a peculiar person, you are required to be prepared to admit under oath having learned moral lessons from repeats of The Andy Griffith Show and own a lifesize poster of Ralph Reed.

Jan. 11 is Destroy All Resolutions Day
An AARL-instituted celebration.

Jan.12 is Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day
True wild men never live through this holiday, since the main event is skydiving sans a parachute and nude-bull wrestling (where the man is nude and wrestles after he puts the bull into a tuxedo).

Jan. 16 is National Nothing Day

Jan. 22 is Suicide Prevention Day
As the morbid month wanes, so does the strong temptation to whack oneself. You must remember that the victim and the assaulter are one and the same in a case of suicide, so it is imperative that a person keep a close watch on the actions of their own hands.

Jan. 24 is Start Making A List Of Resolutions You Will Break Next Year Day
An AARL-instituted celebration.