Monday, January 17, 2005


Around the 'Globes'

Just got back from the Golden Globe ceremony. There are still parties going on over there on the left coast (how cool is that phrase?). Some people cannot get enough celebrating. Me, I stop after the third bottle of Johnny Walker Red and the fifth injection of smack.

What a gas it was watching Jamie Foxx do the rest of his Ray Charles imitation when he was blind drunk. It made me miss the days when William Frawley used to run up and down the aisles of the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion shouting, “Desi is queer!”

Mick Jagger sure looked a lot younger than 70 last night, even though he was dressed like he was 60. Scientists say Mick’s sperm will be potent even if Mick lives to be over 100. I said to him, “Hey ole leather face, you sure have some great DNA.” Mick responded in his best cockney accent, which no one could translate. Speaking of looking young, I said to Leonardo DiCaprio, “You know you still look 10.” He dropped his draws and showed me his naked front and said, “You wanna see 10, look at this!”

William Shatner’s career just refuses to end, eh? I said to him, “Bill, you are resilient,” and he said, “I think Robert Blake is innocent.” I thought Teri Hatcher’s victory would give us all a chance to take a free look under her dress but she was still charging 10 cents for that.

While a bit drunk, Glenn Close admitted to me that her name is really Glenn Nearby. Jason Bateman said that kids did not call him Master Bateman. He said only his parents called him that. Later in the evening Clint Eastwood and Warren Beatty hugged and broke a few of each other’s ribs.

I hope to have another Hollywood report after the Oscars ceremony.

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