Cotolo Chronicles

As we are apt to present at the beginning of each month, the list of esoteric holidays will now be listed. The new year has launched some changes, which are all included in the list below. Be aware that the anti-January sentiment that resulted in the famous January Jinx and the rise in suicides across the world related to the first month of the year, are reflected in the list.

Also, the American Anti-Resolution League (AARL) has had a greater affect on this year's list since its formation in 1886, the same year January broke the record for bathtub drowning deaths. Pictured are horses that love to run in January.

Jan. 2 is Start Smoking Again Day
The AARL insists that trying to stop smoking as a new year's resolution is the prime motive for people to begin smoking more. So, the organization condones the continuation of the addiction for anyone swearing off since Jan. 1 and suggests quitting another month.

Jan. 3 is Festival of Sleep Day
To ward off the depression that every new year brings, and to look at the positive side of human African trypanosomiasis (African sleeping sickness), today celebrates the power of sleep. Victims of somnipathy (a sleep disorder) usually gather to take naps at designated areas.

Jan. 4 is Trivia Day and Humiliation Day
Not worth a comment, you crud bucket.

Jan. 5, 12, 19 and 25 are Cotolo Chronicles Live Broadcast Days

Jan. 10 is Peculiar People Day
To qualify as a peculiar person, you are required to be prepared to admit under oath having learned moral lessons from repeats of The Andy Griffith Show and own a lifesize poster of Ralph Reed.

Jan. 11 is Destroy All Resolutions Day
An AARL-instituted celebration.

Jan.12 is Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day
True wild men never live through this holiday, since the main event is skydiving sans a parachute and nude-bull wrestling (where the man is nude and wrestles after he puts the bull into a tuxedo).

Jan. 16 is National Nothing Day

Jan. 22 is Suicide Prevention Day
As the morbid month wanes, so does the strong temptation to whack oneself. You must remember that the victim and the assaulter are one and the same in a case of suicide, so it is imperative that a person keep a close watch on the actions of their own hands.

Jan. 24 is Start Making A List Of Resolutions You Will Break Next Year Day
An AARL-instituted celebration.